The days are getting just a little bit longer; there's sunlight earlier in the day and later in the day now.  The new Miss Peregrine novel is on its way to me--yay!  And this week, I've found a way to fix some things that I thought were broken forever.  These winter doldrums are loosening their hold a little bit.

It's a new year.  A clean slate.  Not all of 2013 was bad, but enough of it was stressful that I was glad to see the door close on it.

I know that a "new year" is really just a state of mind, but it's a great opportunity to turn the page and work on some new things.  One thing I'd like to do is be more positive.  That sounds easy, but it can be difficult (for me) to pull off when stressful things are happening.  This cartoon pretty much sums up my personality:

Here are a few things I'm looking forward to (and focusing on):

1)  The shipment of new (clearance-priced) books that will arrive in a few days

2)  The new season of Downton Abbey starting on Sunday

3)  The fact that spring is only a few months away

4)  Our new bathtub (and the relaxing baths that will come with it)

5)  This year's family vacation (date and location yet to be decided)

I figure that if I can hold onto just a few good thoughts, and bring them out like a security blanket when things seem dark and scary in my life, it will help keep the stress and anxiety away.  Wish me luck!

I have always loved everything about Christmas:  The story behind it, the memories, the celebrations, the decorations, the music, get-togethers with family and friends, everything.  The excitement builds each day, and I'm thrilled by the warmth and joy of the holiday season.  This year, though, I feel like I am walking around with a cloud over my head.

Maybe it's that the weather has been so cold and dark already this year.  Maybe it's that I've been sick for weeks with a cold I can't shake.  Maybe it's worrying about money as I race around, trying to squeeze every last drop out of a smaller Christmas budget.  Maybe it's because everything around here seems to be falling apart at once (cars, electronics, plumbing).  Maybe it's the constant stress of parenting a teenager with multiple emotional/behavioral disorders, and never knowing if I'm doing the right thing to help him.  Maybe it's just that the world, as a whole, seems to be in a constant state of turmoil right now--just like my mind and my heart.

I so desperately need a ray of hope, a little bit of sunlight.  I watch all of these moments go by--moments that I know I should be enjoying whole-heartedly--and feel nothing except sadness and emptiness.  I lie awake at night, wanting something, but not knowing what that something could possibly be.

I've never experienced a holiday season that felt so dark.  I mourn for the happiness I expected.

Oh, I know--it could be so much worse.  It could be SO much worse.  I know.  And that makes me feel all the worse for feeling this way.  (Vicious cycle, no?)

I haven't yet figured out how I will crawl out from under all this weight, so for now, I'm just putting one foot in front of the other and breathing in and out all day long, and hoping that time will fix the things I can't control.